so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
