i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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