The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
