Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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