I want to make a zoo with you.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
