I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
