Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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