Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
