Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he was CRYING into my vagina
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
