you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
