never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
