she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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