i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
They have beer where we have blood.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
