i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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