Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
a search helicopter?!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
