Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
