So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
