It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
