Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
