i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
