His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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