I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Swine flu. Run for my life!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
