forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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