I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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