So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
