When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
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So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I forget how to act sober
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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