I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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