Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
