I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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