I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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