Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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