she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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