They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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