there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
