and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I lost the right to judge tonight
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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