Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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