the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
