I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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