i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
