so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
