Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
