he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
