i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
These tits shall not be calmed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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