Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
