I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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