I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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