Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
