I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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