I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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