Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Let's get the cat blown out
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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