i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
