Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
