I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
