she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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