oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Can i not drive my cunt home
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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