I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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