i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
