I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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