so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
