Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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