DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
