Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
