If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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