She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
