to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
