the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
