before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
