he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize