2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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