How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
