we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize