I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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