Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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