Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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