Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
