Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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