Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
