I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
